i digress.

"In loving memory of my grip on sanity..."

8:41 AM

truly yours, your biggest fan... this is stan (dear diddy).

Posted by The Incomparable Bozack Jenkins™

I feel like Will Smith at the end of “I Am Legend”.

You know the part where Will’s pleading “Stop! I can save you!” to DMX’s wife & her in-laws? But they ain’t tryin’ to hear it cuz they think the nigga has crack stashed in his lab? So he has this sad look in his eyes like he just accidentally saw T-Pain naked? But them goooooooons lurkin’, so he’s left with no choice other than to pull the pin out of the grenade & rid the world of crackheads and ugly ass, Boston Terrier-faced women all in one, single selfless act?

I’m really on that level that right now.

Diddy, you’re my nigga, but you’re fucking up major, potna.. your label is a shell of a shell of itself, and it’s not like you’re oblivious to it, it’s like you genuinely don’t give a fuck, and as a nigga that's been down for you since day one, word to heartburn that hurts my heart.. back in the day Bad Boy ran this music shit.. I’d be the FIRST nigga at the store to cop (meaning steal, I was a deviant in those days) anything with that logo on it.. Shiny Suit Man changed my life, fuck what The Lox was talkin’ about.. you need that return to glory.. Sean, you need that old thing back.. I’m here for you, Sean.. Stop! I can save you!

I’m really feeling like Kim on “I Wanna Work For Diddy” right now.. so here’s my audition tape.. How would I go about throwing on the cape & saving your label? Let me clear my throat..

1. You’re Fired. Nothing personal, my nig.. the honeymoon was great while it lasted, but you’re just here now to bring bad press & fuck up the team, like Stephon Marbury.. and we at Bad Boy Entertainment can’t have that.. but seriously, you have way too much goin’ on.. the colognes, the TV shows, the clothing line, you got the movies and plays crackin’.. nigga, you've got more jobs than a temp agency.. you don’t have THE TIME to run this junt.. take this pink slip and keep it movin’.. you’re still affiliated, you just won’t be calling the shots anymore.. now, I know that's hard to swallow for an egomaniac of your caliber, but I assure you, it's for the best.. now get the fuck out my office before I call security on you.. I'll apprise you of your new position shortly..

2. Find The Bench Some Minutes. As much as I like the Making The Band cast (that Day26 album went surprisingly hard), do you truly believe, in your heart of hearts, that they’re enough to return you to your former glory? You’re the biggest act on your own label for a reason.. television show aside, Day26 and Donnie Timberlake barely got any promotion, & I don’t even think Danity Kane (I wanna fondle Andrea..... twice) got a second single, after bangin’ niggas over the head with “Damaged”.. how in the red, white, & blue fuck does that even happen? How do you drop the ball in the endzone? You just made a 75 yard INT return! Nigga, I work with kids.. that song was EVERYWHERE! I couldn’t take a piss without the dude handin’ out paper towels in the bathroom even whistling that shit.. last time I checked, that's a sure sign of a pretty big hit..

A lack of promotion tells me that even YOU don’t believe in these niggas.. last time I checked, that was one of the major purposes of even UTILIZING a major label.. if you truly believed in something, you would gamble on it.. and your actions are telling us you don't believe in these modern day niggas for shit.. they're on Tooth Fairy status, as far as you're concerned.. Day26 could’ve went indie, opened at Rock The Bells, & made out like bandits instead of fucking around with your ass.. who in the hell signs with a major to remain a nobody? They KNOW they're gettin' fucked in the pockets, but you trade that out for the privellege of being mobbed at the mall by big tittied white girls (cute being an optional feature on the newest model)..

But like I was saying said, no promo translates into a genuine lack of faith.. you got a bench FULL of dope ass niggas (namely Los & Aasim, you fucked up passing on Royce The 5'9" you fucking ingrate) that need some damn playing time.. a guest spot, a video cameo, SOMETHING.. these niggas are in the horse stable starving with empty ass feed bags.. if you’re not gonna support your starters, let the bench get in & wreck shit.. if they fail, they fail.. but to NOT put their shit out cuz you THINK they won’t sell, when your franchise players are shooting airballs, is fucking asinine.. if Eric Mangina could go back in time, you think he would’ve pulled Brett Farve in that Dolphins game? Don’t be the next contestant on that Summer Jam screen, Sean..

3. Pass the collection plate. Bad Boy had its greatest successes when you spread the love.. what I mean is, let’s take Minister Ma$e for example.. nobody even knew who he was until he wrecked shit on 112’s now classic “Only You”.. this said buzz was then expanded by putting him on a couple of other popular acts’ songs.. so by the time his album dropped, he moved like 4 or 5 million easy.. Bad Boy was GREAT at doing this.. Niggas LOVED Big, so what did you do? Put him on Total’s debut single.. Carl Thomas did how many high profile guest spots on Bad Boy releases before he got his day in the sun? Same with Black Rob.. why in the fuck did you switch the playbook up and abandon this? Did you not see how many units you were moving? In this day and age, labels drop brand new faces on us damn near daily, and we’re supposed to embrace them? It’s like a complete stranger knocking on your door, doing the potty dance, & asking to use your bathroom.. nigga, I don’t know you! Get the fuck on! Same shit.. stop being stupid, Sean!

4. Leave Big Be. Self explanatory.. Big was that nigga, and I miss him terribly, but no more remix albums, selling unreleased verses, or copy and pasting verses we’ve already heard on popular radio singles just to slap “Featuring The Notorious B.I.G.” on the booklet.. that's tasteless, disgraceful, & plain fucking wack.. let that nigga rest in peace and keep it moving, you fucking dick.. if Big heard most of this bullshit you’ve put out since his death, I’d bet good money he’d sit on you.

And fart.

5. Bring Back Shiny Suit Man. Here’s where your affiliation comes back into play.. yes, you’re no longer running the label, but you’re still the face of it.. Bad Boy videos were GREAT back in the day, not just becuz of the ridiculous budgets Hype Williams used to pimp you for, but because of YOU, Sean.. yes, YOU were the star of the show.. the face all up in the camera, the non-sensical dancin’, the adlibs.. you were that nigga twice (so much so that Dame Dash failed miserably at jackin' your entire steez).. we don’t need you in the office, we need you on the video set.. the triumphant return of Shiny Suit Man? I’ll take two, please..

Subtract yourself from this video, and tell me it's anywhere near as entertaining.. of that's right, you can't.. you have a calling Sean, and it's clearly in front of the camera..

So there’s my game plan, Diddy.. let me return you to the league’s elite.. together we can sell out the floor seats in record time.. the glory days don’t have to be but a memory, Sean.. don’t embrace what’s proven to fail you for the last seven years, embrace what worked for you the 7 years before.. now whenever you’re ready, we can talk about my salary.

You're welcome, nigga.


Assertive Wit said...

I really want him to find this and read it...STAT.

When I meet him (and I will), I 'm gonna tell him to come to your blog and read his recipe for MORE success in the music industry...and present him with this gem.

He'll either laugh in my face (at which point I'll laugh back at his poisonous ass) OR he'll take your advice and make it do what it used to do. LOL

msdailey said...

Excellent! He really, really, really needs to read this!!

asia kismet said...

damn. the days when bad boy was hot was so long ago [when i come to think of it]...diddy needs to get in touch with his inner "puff".

NaturallyAlise said...

This post pissed excellence. Also, he needs to go back to the days of the reeeeeeeeeeeemix, Diddy remixes used to go hard and would be hotter than even the original cut. Today's remixes are just verses superimposed on the original wack track.... *yawn*

Luvvie (aka Queen IG) said...

If this post was a legend, it'd be Luffa Vandross. Big Luffa, not Lil Luffa, who's curl ain't quite curl all the way under. THAT is how awesome it was.

The Incomparable Bozack Jenkins™ said...

Glad to see so many people ridin' with me on this one.. let me help you, Sean!!

Another one I forgot is hip-hop used to be the foundation of your label.. R&B was a serious cash cow, but niggas always viewed Bad Boy as a rap label.. what I'm saying is, as soon as you stopped putting as much shine on your rap releases, your label went to shit.. tell me I'm lyin'.. get that duality back, my nig.. that championship trophy can be yours again...

Ms_Slim said...

".....or copy and pasting verses we’ve already heard on popular radio singles just to slap “Featuring The Notorious B.I.G.” on the booklet.. that's tasteless, disgraceful, & plain fucking wack.. let that nigga rest in peace and keep it moving..."

I heard this whole post. It's because of his supreme lack of anything these days that I stopped watching MTB altogether. I just can't.

Mr. Jolla said...

You were built for this shit, nigga...

but Diddy didn't have a hood-gambling go-to move like Damon....nor did he have Aaliyah. I call it a tie.

Anonymous said...

I think you should mail this to him.

msdailey said...

I agree with Tasha, cant you post this somewhere in his video blog comments?? DO IT!!!

The Pretty Brown Girl said...

You would become famous just off the HATE Diddy's ol' egotistical ass would spew your way. If this blog were a video, it would go viral. Seriously, that buck-toof'd bamma needs to read this.

Jay_fever said...

I've been saying that shit for years...but with far less personailty I must admit...that nigga has got to go!!I'm tired of Diddy cashing out to frankenstein a big album for himself...stop being suh a spotlight hog. People stopped caring about your recording career eons ago...like back when you did the guest spot with Supercat...yeah nigga back then.

the YOUNG LIONESS said...

lol, if only Diddy knew

I think he is too far gone off the deep end to care now, but that nigga needs this badly

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